Far too often, He gets sidelined in the crazy and often almost relentless pursuit for earthly fulfillment. I don't deny it, I treat God in such a manner too often to count (don't we all). Yet he still reaches out to us, in a manner that parallels our innate instinct to live on our own accord. That's truly amazes me, and for the lack of a better word, stupefies me.

Just the other day, on the way home after shopping (a particularly self-indulgent thing, I know), an old lady said "??,???" - she was referring to a pinkish sheet of paper that she prodded at my hands. At that particular point, she was to me merely a pamphlet distributor - a tired one at that. So I took it, while thoughts of my subsequent actions played out in my head: take a brief glance, fold it up, tear it up and toss it in the trash.

A brief glance was all that was necessary to know that God works in strange ways.

"Read your Bible" was the first thing that caught my eye - and guilt  filled my heart. It's interesting how God doesn't condemn those willing to be saved (along with their sins), but the realisation of not doing what that is in God's will that creates this sense of damnation.

But I digress from my main point.

The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He restores my soul. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for You are close beside me. Your rod and Your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord forever.

Psalms 23

The message was timely - emphasised undoubtedly by the selective bolding of portions of Psalms 23. I never did manage well with change and uncertainty - yes I revel in a state of stasis and the present, much like how Sylvia as well as Lucille in Housekeeping were. Very much like how these women were portrayed, routines and conventions, rigid as they may occasionally be, truly give me comfort. I am far more at ease in conversations with adults simply because of the necessity of etiquette and politeness - you know they won't be too forward about any potential criticism that would hurt because of the need to remain dignified and restrained, just as social protocol dictates. Heck, even my overwhelming desire for control over nitty-gritty details of things is a manifestation of a deep seated insecurity. But life isn't predictable. It isn't controllable. It is in perpetual flux and change - God never did promise a life of perfect serenity on this earth or realm. But he did promise comfort, his goodness and his mercy.

How apt. Seeing such a message as a new chapter of my life looms ever closer - one that I fear. Yes I'm delicate, yes I am frail, and I have no idea how the army will be like. It's not something that I will have a significant (if any at all) control over. Likewise, the impulse to steer away from God's ways, much as my heart knows is wrong, is something that is exceedingly difficult to avoid. Yet what have I to fear but the Lord - a notion that was further reinforced by the subsequent verse that appeared on this pink sheet of paper handed to me by that old lady.

The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, but fools despise knowledge and discipline.

Proverbs 1:7

So Lord, you know my thoughts better than I do; you know my fears and hopes better than I. Guide me and give me grace, help me live for you, and help me to trust in your unfailing protection - instill this fear in me, that I may seek you daily, not occasionally, not at the reminder of YouVersion, but from the desires of my heart. Amen.