Sometime ago, I had raised this question: Was it wrong to envy others for the blessings that they had received, and it was in this verse that I found the answer:

Hebrews 13:5 - "Let your conduct be without covetousness; be content with such things as you have. For He Himself has said, "I will never leave you nor forsake you."

I suppose that only validated what I had already known in my heart for the longest time, that God will provide what is best for an individual, not merely what one wants.

25.07.12 Returning to camp after a (relatively) long break was definitely not the most pleasant of experiences; just a week or so ago, a friend of mine endured this, and this week, it was my turn to do so. Yet there was something to be grateful about - the way that things fell into place definitely helped ease the blues. First, it was a short week (that was something that we all told ourselves), and second, we booked not into camp, but in the Marina Bay area - there was some packing up to do following our NDP duties on Saturday. Of course, we wouldn't be spending the entire week in the city - the bus for camp was scheduled to arrive at 12pm, but it was still great that there was a bit of time to relax before returning to the full extent of camp life. We had managed to pack up the metal barricades in under an hour, so that gave us slightly more than 2 hours to unwind - time for tea at Starbucks, and lunch at The Soup Spoon.

I had hoped that when we returned to camp, that the remaining time (i.e. the afternoon and evening) would be allocated for rest - wishful thinking of course. Instead, there was some IPPT training for me (I can't complain about this, passing the IPPT is considered to be an important thing in the army, and plus, it wasn't as taxing as the session from the week before), and later on, the first bit of battle obstacle course (BOC) training. For the latter, what materialised as BOC training was a 1.6km run in boots - I suppose it was to gradually condition our bodies for the full extent of the BOC.

26.07.12 One of the spoils that I enjoy at home is sleeping in an air-conditioned room, and I must admit, that after close to a week of that, it was difficult to get a good night's rest back in camp. Or perhaps it was simply an excruciatingly warm night. I would prefer to think it was the latter.

In a nap that I had just after breakfast, I had one of the strangest (and rather scary) dream that I have ever had; my dream was set inside a mall, and it featured people chasing after me trying to shave my head bald, trap me, and if my memory serves me correctly, poke me with something sharp. Perhaps it was a byproduct of reading about the Holocaust through Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, perhaps it was my subconscious fears manifesting themselves (the latter does sound really plausible).

The day started properly with a 1km fast march - the distance wasn't the issue, the ache in my shin that arose from it was. Another difficulty was in keeping up, primarily because I simply do not take large strides when I walk. At that point in time, I had no idea that it was a component of the BOC.

There was really nothing much for the day up till after 4pm in the day, when we did one run-through of the obstacles in the BOC. I suppose I should be glad it played out this way - during the few hours when there was nothing, I was napping (a good and much needed compensation for the poor sleep). The obstacles themselves were not any different from what we did during our Skill & Arms test (just prior to the end of AIT) - it was at that point that I realised the BOC test would be almost exactly like the Skill & Arms one.

Throughout the whole day, we were fed with the idea that a nights out was a possibility, personally I was rather resistant to that notion - I didn't want to be disappointed like the many instances in the past (especially when the week was short, there would usually cease to be a nights out). But I was wrong this time around. Rather cruelly however, the nights out this time around was extremely short - it began sometime after 8pm, and lasted till 9.45pm. Clearly, it was a waste of my effort to try to leave camp with such a short time frame, so I did not bother to even entertain the notion of it. Instead, I spent the time reading - I don't regret it, and it was actually rather relaxing to do that.

27.07.12

Psalm 55:22 - "Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved."

I had hoped that this day would be a short one, and it was indeed. Friday prayers (for the Muslims) meant that all of the day's activities would be confined to the morning, and since they were leaving before lunch, there would be no reason for the remaining people to stay past lunch.

Hope is powerful, but its potency is increased exponentially when one places that in the Lord's grace.

We did our first full run of the BOC, including the 1km fast march prior to the obstacles, and a 300m 'casualty lift' (i.e. lifting 60kg of weight on a stretcher for that distance) after. No doubt it was tiring, but we managed to complete it within the required time - that is somewhat of an assurance that we can (and by extension, I can) pass it during the actual test sometime this coming week.

Hope. That's just what I need.

On a side note, I'm starting to feel the burden of being obliged (by myself of course) to pen down my camp life here; I don't want to become a prisoner to my own deluded desires.

On another note, I am aware that I've the title of this post is the same as a sitcom (which I love).

I'm still halfway through season one, and all I can say is that I am hooked!

I'll keep this relatively short because I've personally become rather tired of churning out long extended recollections of my life in camp. I would love to have a detailed and edited record of it on my blog, but that simply takes too much time away from me, so at the very least, for this week, things will be a tad bit condensed.

10.07.12 - 14.07.12

Genesis 48:15 - "God has fed me all my life long to this day"

One must cling on to hope, always. Jehovah Nissi - that was what the sermon on Sunday (8 July) was about, and it was a crucial and timely reminder to claim the victory that God's care would offer me, despite the everyday battles. I needed it - it was a long week, with all that was done for the preparations for the battalion's 50th anniversary parade.

Interestingly, I started off as being a reserve fella for the parade, where it was only in the event that people failed to turn up that I would be activated. I can't say that I didn't think I would eventually be roped in to participate in the actual parade, but I did hope to be excluded from it.

Rehearsals (for anything) are tiring. Rehearsals for marching parades are more than just tiring, especially when the scorching sun (pardon the cliched phrase here). It drained your mental resolve and your physical spirit. Thankfully, moments of respite came here and there, as there were some mornings that proved to be less less than sunny, and some afternoons where drizzles or showers proved a balm.

I was in the end drafted to be in the parade contingent - the rate of people taking MCs in the camp is simply remarkable. Personally, I haven't taken (a proper) one yet, especially not to escape my duties as some people do. Because of that, I wasn't free to merely sit by and watch the parade contingent do their rehearsals (the reserves have it really good - they sit out of the sun, and for some companies, they are even allowed to rest in their bunks). But the Lord was my refuge - the official army (in-camp) week came to a close, and all that was left was the NDP parade duties on Saturday.

Saturday, like the week, proved to be quite challenging, especially towards the end. The beginning part was fine; (most of) the of the day was ours to spend (our duties were at night). I caught a movie - Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter; if you're intending to watch it, don't. The storyline is simply atrocious, the only saving grace of the movie is its visuals (Tim Burton would probably be the one to thank for this). Midways through the movie, a section-mate called me, asking me to take over his duty slot - he really should have asked earlier; he has this tendency to try to offload his responsibilities at the last minute, much to the inconvenience of others. Needless to say, I told him it would be really difficult. Had he told me the reason of him wanting to spend time with his girlfriend (as he only did later on), I might have reconsidered. But at the very least, give me a reason, if not earlier notice - the duty schedule was out at the start of the day. Some people really must learn to plan. Regardless, I felt quite bad upon finding out later on. That aside, the real tough part of the day was the long hours - due to certain communication hiccups between the SAF and the F1 planning committee, certain barricades we had placed had to be removed; we only left the place at 11.45pm, and we had to book-in the next day at night. It wasn't exciting. It was a frustrating moment.

16.07.12 - 21.07.12

God will provide - that was what the sermon on Sunday was about. Which made this verse that I had discovered the week before rather pertinent:

Romans 8:25 - "But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance."

Trials come and go, but throughout, God will provide, albeit in rather unexpected manners. This week was one such provision - it was a week of respite.

The parade was on Monday evening, and because of that, we had to return to camp on Sunday night; it wasn't pleasant, but it was justified. Preparations had to be done Monday morning, as did a last minute rehearsal.

It came and went, finally, and the parade was a lot more manageable as opposed to the 10+ full-run rehearsals that we did prior to the actual one. Perhaps it was the sense of anticipation in getting it over and done with that offered this sense of comfort.

The rest of the week was really, (pardon the bad pun) restful. Apart from IPPT training on Tuesday (which led to my thighs hurting like mad), and IPPT on Wednesday (which I conveniently didn't pass - I just can't do it), things went really smoothly. We booked out Wednesday afternoon just after 1pm, and that gave me a good time of rest till the next day. Thursday was Battalion Cohesion day - we were all at Sentosa - I don't have much to say about that other than the fact that everyone was just waiting for the activities to be over such that they could book-out and rest till their Saturday NDP duties.

And basically, that was the week, in a nutshell.

Next week won't be as forgiving as this - with the 50th Anniversary Parade over and done with, we now have our Section Battle Course to focus on. I'm not looking forward to that, but God is my source of help. I may have wrote that "everyday, no matter how relaxed or easy it may seem to be, will undoubtedly be a struggle", but I must trust that I am not alone in my struggles, and I must learn to gain from these struggles - consciously.

Image Credit: Edmund Sumner via ArchDaily

Personally, I find this building to be quite interesting for a few reasons: it was (relatively) cheap to build, especially when one compares it to the dollar guzzling productions of the 2008 Olympics, it manages to be visually appealing despite being rather rectangular in form, and rather importantly, it is a building that considers its environmental footprint. Not many buildings can claim to meet all 3 of those.

On a related note, doesn't the building's external form seem very reminiscent of George Nelson's bubble lamps?

Setting off to Africa, and then to Europe and Asia via the Trans-Siberian Railway, [Paulo  Coelho] initiates a journey to revitalise his energy and passion. Even so, he never expects to meet Hilal. A gifted young violinist, she is the woman Paulo loved five hundred years before - and the woman he betrayed in an act of cowardice so far-reaching that it prevents him from finding real happiness in this life. Together, they will initiate a mystical voyage through time and space, travelling a path that teaches love, forgiveness, and the courage to overcome life's inevitable challenges.

This book was a gift from Ansen some time ago, and it was only recently that I had the time to touch it, and to finish reading it.

I've read another of Mr. Coelho's book, The Alchemist, and I loved it. That book was a fascinating story of discovery, of foreign lands, customs, faith, and of the individual. What made it a beautiful story was the fact that it was within the realm of fantasy - it added a romantic and perhaps even mystical dimension to the novel.

The same cannot be said for Aleph. According to Mr. Coelho, the novel is "one hundred percent" autobiographical. Yes, it deals with the same issues that were brought about in The Alchemist, but it is set within the author's own life. I suppose that is something that I find rather difficult to believe, especially when one reads of notions like fantabulous past-lives, alternate dimensions and experiments such as the "ring of fire" aimed at reaching one's previous reincarnations. Perhaps it was these elements that made me rather uncomfortable reading this book, that it was one that that toggled between the realms of truth and fantasy.

Two elements make me particularly critical of the book: First, would be the highly dramatic past lives of the author (spoiler alert) - a Spanish inquisitor and later on a French mystic writer. Such personas reek of blatant romanticism within Mr. Coelho's writing, which makes the attempt to pass it off as non-fiction rather annoying. The second would be how Mr. Coelho is presented as a rather rude individual within the book, brushing people aside, being rather apathetic towards the many fans who feverishly and religiously read his books. Perhaps it was not how I imagined him to be - I always thought of him as a reclusive mystic, not one who would hold vast press conferences only to brush fans aside.

Yet it would be hard to deny that there are some truly beautiful aspects to the novel - the advice that his Chinese-Russian translator gives would be one of them. The setting of the novel's action is another; the reader is transported from cozy Mediterranean villas to frosty forests, from baroque cathedrals to the frigid streets of a Russian town. Coelho's ability to bring the reader to often unseen settings is something remarkable, something that I loved in The Alchemist, and continue to enjoy in his latest novel.

I forgive the tears I was made to shed,
I forgive the pain and the disappointments,
I forgive the betrayals and the lies,
I forgive the slanders and intrigues,
I forgive the hatred and the persecution,
I forgive the blows that hurt me,
I forgive the wrecked dreams,
I forgive the stillborn hopes,
I forgive the hostility and jealousy,
I forgive the indifference and ill will,
I forgive the injustice carried out in the name of justice,
I forgive the anger and the cruelty,
I forgive the neglect and the contempt,
I forgive the world and all its evils

Hilal's words of forgiveness in the church in Novosibirsk

A moment of low spirits hit me while I was midways through the book (camp life was the reason behind that), and despite my critique of the novel, the above chunk still got to me. Perhaps it was because I had paired it with melancholic music.

My opinion of this book is mixed. But regardless, it was an interesting read.

Thanks for the book.

I can't help but find that all that I do on my blog these days is ramble, relentlessly, about my plight and all.

That wasn't the intention of chronicling my army life - it was to have a (lasting) record of all that transpired.

But writing that tires me. Sifting through the thoughts in my diary tire me, and editing them to be a little bit more coherent wears me down.

It pains me to see that architecture, that design, that pretty and beautiful things are no longer the content that get posted regularly. Instead, it is content that speaks of brokenness and despair, of anguish and weariness, of negativity and anger that take center stage.

I really abhor where my life is at presently.

But then again, battles tend to be long drawn, victory may seem elusive, but it eventually arrives, strength wanes, but later reemerges.

The Lord is my banner, and He will give me strength to persevere through it all.

04.07.12 "Oh God, I am still here", that was the thought that I woke up to, as any vestige of my dreamscape departed from my body. I was really tired - quality sleep seems to evade me rather often when I am in camp, and to have that compounded by a state of sadness and despair is not an excellent way to start the day. Later on in the day, I received a text that contained this verse, which was more than apt:

Psalm 118:24 - "This is the day the Lord has made; we will rejoice and be glad in it."

I really rely on the daily texts (they contain either words of encouragement or bible verses) from my mom to give me the strength each morning - it isn't merely the contents of the text that achieves that, but also idea that I have support from my family (albeit emotional) that manifests itself through the messages. That was why I got a little upset when I received a text from my mother, after asking my dad in a phone call to remind her to text me. Paraphrasing it, the text read something like this: You mustn't rely on the verses that I source for you - intimacy with God needs to be discovered by yourself. Perhaps it is a tad bit selfish of me to seemingly demand or expect that from them, but I genuinely need support and love to help me get through this season of my life, and I am very grateful for the support that my parents offer to me.

The morning featured a 2.4km conditioning run, in preparation for our IPPT test the next day (that wasn't going to materialize). I wasn't ready for it - weariness still permeated by being. But things went generally smoothly, despite the cold that I was seemingly developing. I'd like to think that it was because I surrendered the activity, and my physical state to God in prayer; many would doubt that, but that is how I choose to view the world around me. And in this world view, it was His grace that delivered me through.

Not having weekly schedules issued to our platoon (we are supposed to get them; it would seem that whoever is in charge is getting a tad forgetful), we have been relying on the nightly routine orders, as well as a quick glance at the schedule that was given to other platoons - it stated that we would be involved in some sort of preparations for our battalion's 50^th anniversary right after the run. That didn't materialize - we waited for an hour or so before we finally felt that it was safe to take a nap. And it was - from 9.00am all the way till 11.30am or so, we had a (much needed) time of rest, up till lunch. Lunch was the same fried nonsense that we get every other Wednesday - there isn't anything more that should be said about it.

I scribbled this thought down just after lunch:

Oh God, is it wrong to envy others for the blessings that they have received from You? Is that not merely a craving for Your blessings, for Your favour? I still continue to pray for something like what the Joels are getting, please hear and respond to my cries, oh God.

As you can see, I do desperately want God to bring about His intervention in this phase of my life; it wears down on me to know that I am forced to be where I don't want to be.

With that same amount of free time that came after lunch, I finished up Aleph, while listening to songs that were a mix of depressive ones, and gospel ones. The combination of the three left me feeling quite fragile - I felt achingly void, acutely desperate for what I had just written above, for God's love and grace to overwhelm me. Perhaps the surge of emotions was exactly that, I don't know.

Finally, at 3.25pm or so, we were told to assemble in our smart 4 uniform - most of us were late (we were given only 10 minutes notice). There was going to be a mini parade in the camp's hall; we were to recommit ourselves to Singapore and the SAF. I did not do that with a sincere heart, and I doubt I will - my loyalties are torn.

The day was largely uneventful, the day was over.

05.07.12

Psalm 119:116 - "Sustain me, my God, according to Your promise, and I will live, let not my hopes be dashed"

A burst of thunder, and I was awake. I was shaken up by an especially loud one, on top of the few other times that I woke up in the night. Clearly, my sleep was disrupted; I was not well rested (yet again), all the more reason why I had to look to a higher power for strength and sustenance.

Breakfast presented a rather interesting choice - between fishball noodles and a croissant that from experience proved itself to be terrible. I chose the former; I suspect the croissants tasted so bad because they were almost completely devoid of butter, but that is no excuse for it being solid and not light and fluffy.

It was our IPPT day, and it was raining. Relentlessly. That, and the limited facilities at my camp resulted in a long delay, before we finally made our way to the hall for the static stations in the IPPT test. As always, the same 2 things proved to be my stumbling blocks. We had to remain in the hall for far longer than usual - the rains outside were not unlike those that Cathy and Heathcliff would have experienced in the moors around Wuthering Heights. Ultimately, it was this downpour that saw the cancellation of the 2.4km run, and by extension, the IPPT test.

Gung ho-ism, and hypocrisy are two things that are very prevalent in the army. One of the key virtues preached by commanders is punctuality, though it would seem that some have exempted themselves from practicing it. This was precisely what happened as we were assembling for lunch. My platoon, as usual, was the last to leave because of our sergeant's tardiness. Above that, we were made to march in the rain - all the other platoons left by a relatively sheltered route. It is hard to not feel as though my platoon, and by extension, I, tend to get the worse end of the deal. Life isn't fair, for better or for worse, but it has never been about equality.

Right after lunch was a dialogue session with the CO, which, because life in the camp is so routine and dreary, turned the session to be one that was dominated by complaints. Oh well, at least he was willing to listen (he took notes), suggesting that there is some hope in things improving (even if it were at a glacial pace).

A bit of drills practice came afterwards, but for that, we had to draw our weapons from their storage place and because of that, the whole exercise took quite a while. That made any possibility of the nights out that we were promised (implicitly, and explicitly as well) an increasingly unlikely scenario. It wasn't the first time this has happened, and it won't be the last, but at least, the week was a (relatively) short one.

Just before dinner, my platoon was subjected to a very long march around the parade square, and even around the car parks in another area of the camp, over and over again for almost 20 minutes. Needless to say, we were the last platoon from the company to reach the cookhouse. Perhaps 'subjected' isn't a very appropriate word here - the whole thing was a punishment because a few individuals refused to cooperate and march seriously and properly. I've complained about this before on my blog, and I must add here that it was the same few groups of people. YL, I and even LJ were really upset by the time we reached the cookhouse, though YL was probably the way he was because he wasn't feeling too well. Paraphrasing something I wrote in my diary:

It's always the same few of us that are trying; it's always the same unrepentant few that penalize everyone else with their shenanigans. The whole time, I had to consistently pray for God's intervention to make me less pissed by their actions, to shield me from the perils that anger can bring (be it unkind words being uttered out or even hatred).

06.07.12 This was the third time in the week that I had failed to sleep properly - I woke up twice in the night, first at 3am to use the loo, and then at 5am, for reasons unknown, but I used it to prevent my alarm from ringing. Naturally, I didn't feel like getting out of the bed, and if I were to continue having this sort of sleep throughout my army life, then I sense that the morning inertia will be a perpetual one.

2 Corinthians 12:9 - "And He said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness." Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me."

I suppose this verse is rather suited for the day, for various reasons that will be made apparent as I document the day's happenings.

In the morning, we had a bunk inspection, or Standby Area in local army speak - we've been having quite a few of these lately, and just in the nick of time, as the sergeant was veering towards my corner of the room, I noticed from outside of the bunk (we have to stand outside when the room is being inspected) that my locker was unlocked. I dashed in, and made sure it got locked. It was really by the grace of God that I spotted it; otherwise, extra duties and punishments would come my way, since there was a rifle stored inside the cabinet.

The rest of the day consisted of drill practices for the upcoming anniversary parade. It wasn't easy, nor was it relaxed (especially since the sun was out shining intensely by the late morning), but I made it through the day, again by the grace of God. I shalln't elaborate more, but just the thought of having passed through the day and being able to book-out made me feel that 'the power of Christ rest[s] upon me'.

07.07.12 It was another day of NDP duties - manning road blocks. YL wasn't with us this time around - his bout of being unwell turned out to be a viral infection, and a high fever ensued. It definitely wasn't a day that he would have wanted to be a part of given his physical condition, and I'm glad that he (wisely) took an MC instead of trying to be gung-ho. Our shift this week was in the morning, and that led me to try to maximise the day: to spend some of it with my family by watching the NDP parade rehearsal with my parents (we were given 5 tickets). But alas, life cannot be planned to the minute details; things transpired that made my effort to maximise my time futile. Towards the evening, just as I had seated down in the grandstands, I was told that I had to report back to our duty area to collect dinner - that our attendance was being taken, and penalties would meted out if we weren't there. That upset me quite a bit - I had been told that we could use our free time to watch the parade (which I tried conveniently to convert into family time, thereby spending time with my loved ones without breaking the rule that we had to stay within the Marina Bay area), plus, our duty area was really far from the floating platform. Grudgingly, I made my way back, all sweaty from the trip, only to realise back at the collection point that no one was there to take our attendance. It was an empty threat that had wasted my effort and time. I suppose the consolation is that I did the right thing, but is that truly a consolation when it came at a high price? I suppose the right thing does eventually lead to a higher prize, but that is one that is distant. I made my way back to the grandstand after passing my food box to someone else, and sat down again with my parents. I spent about half an hour there, before yet another text arrived - all were to return to the admin area (i.e. our duty area). I was so upset. This time however, I left the grandstand for good, biding my parents adieu till I saw them again later at night. My plan for a family night failed.

I took quite a long while to get back to the admin area as I had to change back to my uniform - my attire of a t-shirt and shorts were "not acceptable", as I was told when I went back there the first time - how was I to know that that was not an appropriate off-duty attire when I had just the previous week seen one of my sergeants in that? Then there was the issue of dinner - I popped by Subway to quickly grab something, that made me a little bit later than I already was. When I finally reached the tent, there was no one there - apparently the instructions was to return to the grandstand area and do crowd control there. Sigh. That should have been included in the text that I received, I was just there, and it would have saved me a long journey back and forth (twice). But what frustrated me further was the mess that waited at the grandstands - reaching there, I received no clear instructions on where to go; it was impossible to contact anyone with the cellular networks so jammed up. It was just entirely vexing. I simply planted myself where I deemed myself to be of use, and made myself appear to be doing something.

It's not difficult to see that the day was tiring for me, but at the very least, directing (lost) people proved to be quite interesting - it was good to feel useful, to help others in that capacity, to speak and interact with people who weren't from the army.

It's been a long time since I last doodled.

I spent a few hours at the museum yesterday. I really enjoyed it.

Isaiah 40:26 -

Lift up your eyes on high,
And see who has created these things,
Who brings out their host by number;
He calls them all by name,
By the greatness of His might
And the strength of His power;
Not one is missing.

Every now and then, we need to be reminded that God's grace (and by extension, His miracles) can come after either a long wait, or can manifest itself in ways that we do not expect; nevertheless, no good blessing would be denied from His children. This is the reason why I must learn to have faith, to be patient, to trust that. one would know very well what my request here is if one has been reading this blog. The Father works in mysterious ways; this is the story of the week that had just passed.

25.06.12 The morning began in a surreal manner - it was one that started at home, something that I haven't done in quite a while. I woke up from my own bed, had breakfast with my family, I even had the time to blog about the morning just before I returned into camp. Snoozing off for a while in the car on the journey back to camp allowed me one thing - to be spared from the sight of the large (travel) bag and a tote that I had to lug in; I had brought home quite a fair bit to wash the week before: ILBV, helmet, 2 boots, all of these were on top of the normal amount of laundry that I would need to settle.

The morning was quite relaxed - I spent most of it cleaning up some of the store items that we have in camp. Better yet, was the (admittedly odd and fishy) news/rumour that there would be a night's out in the evening; it was the same day that we booked into camp. I chose not to think too much about that - at least in the morning, it felt too silly to be true.

Because we had just completed a training phase/programme called Rotation 1, we had a survey to do - after action review (AAR) is what the army called it. Rather interestingly, it was completed using a remote-control-esque device that some of my platoon mates pretended (rather annoyingly might I add) was a phone. Yes, some of my fellow camp mates can seem very much like children.

Like the morning, the rest of the day was rather mundane (though I'll be honest, I'd very much prefer a dull day than one filled to the brim with physically strenuous activities) - rifle cleaning was one thing that contributed to that. Time dragged on rather slowly, and by the time it was 5pm, my desire for the nights out had increased exponentially, while the prospects of it materializing followed an inverse trend. All hope was lost when we were informed that after dinner, there would be a platoon-level AAR on the recent Rotation 1 exercise. I rushed back up to my bunk immediately after this - I had arranged to meet my dad earlier, thankfully he had yet to leave the office.

Honestly, I was slightly upset about there being no nights out - not because it didn't happen, but because of how we were informed about it: we weren't. Guesswork and logical deductions had to come into play. Apparently it was because someone in another platoon had lost something, and time had to be spent to find it - that was the cause for the cancellation. Oh well.

26.06.12 Mornings are never stellar moments for me - this is something that I fear would be the case for my entire life. Getting myself to wake up this particular morning was not unusual in the sense that there was an unwillingness to it, and that I refused to budge for around 10 minutes or so. Thankfully, it was not an issue to lose that few minutes - there wasn't a need to wear the uniform that morning. This was the case because the first activity of the day would be the Ability Group Run (AGR) - it involved us running, non-stop, for 20-odd minutes. It was really quite taxing; I still remember the thoughts that were swirling in my head as I was running: "I've got to get out of here". My desperation is rather apparent from when it manifests itself.

Not too long after (we had about an hour; that was just enough to shower and change), we went to the camp's sole lecture room, in our uniforms for an AAR on last week's company mission at Murai. It was draggy, not unlike a long and boring slideshow, and I found it difficult to stay awake. I wasn't alone in that - most in the room were also fighting the snooze monster. A little ramble here: I can't understand why the laptops that the commanders use are so poorly equipped - QuickTime isn't even installed on it, and they were trying to play .mov files. It felt really silly that they had so many video files to present to us, and most, if not all were not shown for that reason. The IT team (if there even is one) should really look into this.

An hour after lunch, were were left to our own devices at the camp's gym; many of the guys did their exercises quite intensely - I tried, but I'm no gym nut.

Then came the week's first blessing - it rained. Normally, I wouldn't be head over heels about anything involved with the water cycle, but this time I was, because it meant that our run on the battle course would be cancelled. Obstacle courses are not my cup of tea.

The evening was spent with another round of rifle-cleaning - this time, we weren't cleaning the weapons assigned to us, it was those that were assigned to the commanders, and the spare arms. That made us realise how (insert appropriate word here) some of the commanders can be - their SAR 21 rifles were completely blackened with carbon residue, and batteries were left inside the rifle's laser guide (a big no-no, to prevent damage from a battery leak). Sigh.

27.06.12

Galatians 5:22 - But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.

Owing to the rather messy planning at the batallion's HQ office, our guard duty days were switched around, back and forth, from Wednesday and Thursday, to Tuesday and Wednesday, and then back again. Because of that, I was supposed to do guard duty on this day, but thanks to some friends, I got back my spot on Thursday - something which I had volunteered for a few weeks ago. I really appreciate the fact that they did this, especially since it was almost certain that there would be a nights out on Wednesday - they were willing to sacrifice it.

Because the morning's parade was at 7.30am, and everything that needed to be settled was done by 6.30am, we had an hour to rest till then - oh it was wonderful (the extra sleep, I hesitate from using the phrase "pure bliss", because I was still in an army camp).

First activity of the day: Speed training - it was something that we haven't done in quite a long time; it involved us running a certain distance, within a stipulated time, for a few reps. But honestly, the time factor was ignored after a few rounds - that was something I decided to do after I started to get a little breathless in the first few rounds. A gym session came afterwards, and here's what I did: Lats pull, calf exercises, squats, just to name a few.  I realise that I have very little motivation when it comes to exercise, which is why I am really glad to have YL encouraging me every now and then - I need that.

I realise that I am like a man panning for gold in slurry water; these tiny nuggets of yellow that I have found are blessings placed in this present stage of my life by God to comfort me.

Just before our nights out, there was a large block of time that had to be spent in camp, so the commanders (or rather commander; all the others had went out of camp to help another company with their live shooting) got us to play ball sports. That isn't really my thing - it never was, so I snuck back up to my bunk after the instructions were given. It wasn't the right thing to do, but I did it. God forgive me.

Nights out came soon enough, except that my platoon was delayed by half an hour as a punishment for leaving the fans on while we weren't in our bunks. Honestly, we were the only ones punished because the fans in the other 2 platoons were not visible from the ground floor - that was where one sergeant noticed the very rampant wastage electricity on our floor. Well, on my part, I did turn off the fans at my side of the bunk, but I had forgotten to remind those on the other side to do so. Despite the lost time, I still managed to enjoy slightly over an hour at home - we had a family dinner, and cake, as a belated family meal to celebrate my mom's birthday. I really have to thank YL and CL for this.

On a side note: I am starting to get really frustrated and vexed by this one particular chap in my platoon who simply refuses to do anything properly and be disciplined in the simplest of things. It tends to get us into unnecessary trouble - that's what that pisses me off, but God help me. Let the fruits of Your spirit be manifest in me, for I suppose he knows not what he is doing. Help me to praise You by doing what is right, for You deserve it.

28.06.12 Thursday's schedule was exactly the same as Wednesday's, with the exception of the following: there was no nights out, and I had guard duty.

The morning played out very similarly to the day before, so I shalln't elaborate. Gym however differed; this time, it wasn't for everyone, it was only for those who failed their IPPT - I happened to be one of them. Everyone else got an extra hour or so of rest or time to head to the canteen, while the few of us headed to the gym, where this time, because the exercises were guided, it was really quite intense for me, and I left the place with my legs aching all over (I suppose that is a sign that it was effective?) Most of these exercises were targeted to help me with my Standing Broad Jump - squats, weighted lunges and lots of jumping; that tackled one of my Achilles heel, but the other (chin-ups) wasn't dealt with. One can only walk so far with 2 legs in pain (pun intended).

Lunch was western - a chop of chicken, some wedges, boiled carrots, rice, a bun, soup and ice-cream. Authenticity was excluded (I'm being far too fussy here). I wolfed most of it down - yes, I was hungry, and to be honest, while it isn't anywhere near authentic, I don't see how it is as bad as some of the camp people put it to be.

Because of my guard duty shift, I skipped games (yet again, though this time, it was for a valid reason). I had initially wanted to be a 'prowler' - i.e. someone who patrols the camp, but (to paraphrase Shakespeare) because we had to set our fate upon a cast, I faced the hazard of the die, and was selected to be the 1st sentry instead. So instead of walking around the camp with someone, I was stationed (I had to stand the entire time) at the main gate's security post. I had 3 shifts to do - 6pm-8pm, 12am-2am, and the last and unexpected one: 6.15am-7.30am. For the first and last shifts, I had a really nice sergeant stationed with me, so time managed to pass (with relatively little pain) as we chatted about our respective time in JC, about being in this particular camp, and about our future plans (post army). I found out he was from AJC, got a place to study business at SMU, has a brother who intervened at PricewaterhouseCoopers, was from band, and played the clarinet. Rather little information discovered considering that there was 2 over hours for me to find out more. (haha) The 12am to 2am shift however was madness - I was left alone in my rather sleepy state, and time seemed to take forever to pass: it was the dead of night, and barely any cars drove in (it is however a wonder that cars would be entering at 1.30am, but they did). The consolation was that because it was so late, the sergeant at the guard house wasn't so strict about the 'no sitting' rule, and the table and I became one for quite a while. This was what I did in the guard post: for 2 hours or so, I would press a button whenever a vehicle wanted to enter the camp - that button activated the barricade, opening/closing it.

29.06.12 We returned at around 8am in the morning following our guard duty, and I was really tired from it. I slept till about 10am - one of the perks of doing guard duty is that you get to skip training; no strength training, no run for me. I guess God works in this way; had it not been for guard duty, had I been made to attend those training, my legs would have hurt even more (they were aching from the gym training the other day).

This was also the day that I left to find out the results of the medical assessment. I left the camp at 1.00pm (by the insistence of a sergeant, I had targeted to leave by 1.30pm), so I missed some sort of marching practice - apparently all of us had to be well acquainted with the respective marching commands for we were to participate in the battalion's 50th anniversary celebrations. I reached the clinic at around 2.30pm after meeting up with my dad, and there was a long waiting time before I got the news. everything was good, except that I may be anemic (apparently my hemoglobin count was a little low - it was rather odd when the doctor asked me if I was a vegetarian, another blood test a few months down would be needed to confirm that), that my (bad) breathing techniques may be to blame for a moderately severe breathing restriction that was picked up (though if I genuinely were anemic, then that might be to blame as well), and that my back is mildly curved to the right. Nothing sufficient (at the moment) to. I'll cut myself short here.

No, I wasn't happy with the diagnosis, it didn't meet my short term goals. But yet I must thank the Lord that I am, by and large, healthy - that is an enviable position for many worldwide. I won't deny that my mood was quite soured by that, and it was hard to praise God, even though He deserved it.

Just before 5.30pm, I returned to camp, at the advice of whoever who answered the COY's phone line. It was really lousy advice - everyone was preparing to leave when I returned, in essence, I had returned to camp, just to leave for Friday's nights out in another half an hour. Oh well, at least I was leaving for a nights out, at least I had most of the day spent out of camp - what right do I have to complain so much.

30.06.12 In yet another installment of our NDP duties, we returned to Raffles Boulevard to set-up and man the road closures. This time around, my section was doing the afternoon shift - that left the morning free. Along with YL and JW, I went to Hans at Marina Square for breakfast, as well as spend some time reading Paulo Coelho's Aleph, which Ansen had given me a few months back.

About Aleph: I don't really enjoy the book (I'm close to finishing it). Unlike The Alchemist, this novel is passed off as an recollection of Mr Coelho's spiritual experiences, and honestly, it felt really ludicrous. Looking at some reviews online, I realise that the view I hold isn't exclusive.

But I digress. This time around, our shift was one and a half hours long, and because of the humidity caused by a rain just prior to my shift, it was made quite difficult (I was sweating rather profusely). I did my shift from 3pm to 5.30pm without YL (we had planned to do it together so as to go for dinner afterwards) because of some switching around.

Because of the switch, dinner was spent with others. I tried to eat the food they provided this time around, but gosh, it wasn't very good, plus it was expired (packed food isn't supposed to be served after 4 hours). Nevertheless, I ate a bit of it, before heading off with someone to eat at Millenia Walk.

On a side note, I have 5 tickets to this coming Saturday's NDP rehearsal, which I plan on going with my family, should they want to.

I'll be returning to camp later on tonight after a really good 3 days of rest (Sunday to Tuesday), and I just hope that I will rely on the Lord for strength and guidance for the upcoming 4 days.

Be with me, O Lord.

By Galen Yeo, published in Today, 3 July.

As a Singaporean, I am less concerned about the ongoing discussions of who serves national service. I am far more concerned about the institution of National Service (NS) itself.

Most people I know have never seen NS as a productive use of a person's time. But the Singapore Armed Forces (SAF) - or any army anywhere - has never had the need to address this issue.

Even today, NS is still regarded as a necessary evil. No one disagrees about the necessity of Total Defence, but people wonder how their sons will positively benefit from it.

Traditionally, conscription has never been about improving the individual. It has always been about serving the nation in an absolute fashion.

But can this process be fine-tuned in Singapore?

The real challenge for Singapore is not merely holding up the need for NS. It is in balancing our defence needs with the competitive demands of a global world.

To address this, NS needs to be a more well-rounded experience for the individual.It

needs to specifically develop people not just as conscripted soldiers, but as well-developed individuals ready to face the world once they leave the SAF.

It needs to enable the army experience to be relevant to the real world, and not exist as an entirely separate institution.

The United States Army offers a myriad of educational opportunities for soldiers to upgrade themselves while serving their obligations. I strongly support measures along those lines.

How many hours in a day do we need to run an army? Could time be better managed and organised for NSmen?

Why do NSmen have to take their own initiative to keep themselves upgraded - and why doesn't the SAF recognise this as a real concern and address this?

No one wants to be left out in the real world and the SAF could provide so much more to equip our young men with the skills they need to carry on during their NS experience. (And I'm not talking about training tech-savvy soldiers to operate iPads.)

The SAF is the single biggest developer of people, hence the possibilities for development in areas of education and life training are enormous. It could potentially arm NS men with far more skills than their roles as soldiers.

As an employer, I would like to get excited about hiring someone who has completed NS, instead of staring at the rift in his education and development.

Our guys already have to play catch-up with everyone else, so why not enable them to close the gap while in NS - instead of widening it because of NS. The two goals of development and running an army do not have to be exclusive of each other.

The entire paradigm of NS has been shaped from the top and it has been our sacred cow.

But external realities of our global world suggest that Singapore has to do more - and NS presents the perfect opportunity to empower Singaporeans at a ripe age.

I suppose my time in NS has made me more acutely aware of the issues that surround it. Reading this letter this morning (in the print edition) led me to think, "wow, this guy really does get it", and he bothers to speak up about it.

"Traditionally, conscription has never been about improving the individual. It has always been about serving the nation in an absolute fashion."

I've always been rather bitter about the fact that two (long) years of my life would be spent doing something that I had little interest in - in essence, it would be a waste of my time. But as Mr Yeo has put it, it is an opportunity cost whose incursion is not unmerited, albeit it is one that I would rather not have to bear.

While there are exceptions where the military does invest into the development of its staff (like courses for regulars, medical training for medics etc.), Mr Yeo's view remains quite accurate, especially for the bulk of those posted to units. For many, the only learning point they gain in the course of their service is how to make the best of the (often less than optimistic) situation they are in - sometimes with rather hilarious, jeopardous or even morally questionable methods.

The military is said, in Singaporean society to be a glue that bonds people from all walks of life. But social divisions still exists (social inequality is one such reason), and tempers still flare as a result of that. Two years is not a short duration, and it can be used to address one of the chief causes of social inequality - education. That is the key to empowering individuals, that is the key to surviving in the challenging world that lay ahead of one's youth.

"But external realities of our global world suggest that Singapore has to do more - and NS presents the perfect opportunity to empower Singaporeans at a ripe age."

It would be interesting to see how the SAF would respond to Mr Yeo's letter, on whether they would diverge from their template responses.