The passing of time is truly a surreal thing; just three weeks ago, I was battling my doubts and fears about my impending enlistment (and how I would survive that arduous period of confinement), and right now, I am penning my thoughts and emotions, retrospectively of course, that I experienced during that particular period in the comfort of my own home. That's not to say that those three weeks felt like a breeze - on the contrary, they felt long-drawn-out and quite simply put, they felt like forever, but then again, the truth is that putting it that way is hyperbolic, and by the grace of God, I survived the pains of confinement. It feels absolutely surreal to be home now, and yet know that in under 48 hours, I will be returning to a week's worth of entrapment (pardon the negativity).

The subsequent parts of this post summarises the feelings that I endured during each of the respective weeks that I spent in BMTC, and they would not be possible without the help of my diary - I must say, penning down my thoughts is probably (to a certain extent) how I maintained my sanity during that long period, and it is for that very reason that I intend to continue maintaining my journal. Pardon the innumerable switches in tense below - coherence and uniformity isn't quite my aim (or care) at this point in time.

WEEK 0 (31 JAN - 5 FEB) Just about anyone would have at least some trouble adjusting to military life - and for me, the sudden introduction of regimentation, rigid discipline and abrupt loss of many individual freedoms was to say the least, particularly difficult to adapt to. The first week was especially painful for me, that I won't deny. I am by nature quite a control-freak, and I've been particularly sheltered as an only child. The sense of pessimism was not made any better by the fact that being in the military was not exactly my cup of tea or idea of fun. It was also hardly a laughing matter for me to see commercial planes fly overhead every half hour or so - it was a cruel reminder of my state of entrapment, as opposed to the freedom that flying had come to represent. It was the first time that meals, short as they may be (in the army, that is) became times of respite and rest from the strictness of regimentation and military life. With that being said, I really have to thank God for giving me the opportunity to learn to eat a wider array of vegetables beyond broccoli. And on the point on respites, I must say that being in Tekong has allowed me to truly enjoy the night sky, with the glory of its stars and all - the same stars that God spoke to Abraham about. The first week was also when I realised that I was even less prepared for the army, physically speaking that is, than I had thought - all of this was revealed through my inability to do proper SAF pull-ups, and more significantly, my IPPT results. To quote my diary entry, I described it as being "indeed an issue [to pass]". Despite the buckets worth of sweat that was forced out of my scrawny body during the many different types of physical training, the following verses offered me some guidance:

1 Corinthians 10:31 - "Therefore, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 2 Corinthians 5:7 - "For we walk [and stretching the meaning of the word, run] by faith, not by sight."

Which is why I will sum up my thoughts for the first week (or rather, week zero in the eyes of the SAF) as being "an opportunity to grow physically, mentally and spiritually" (again I am quoting my diary entry), one where difficulty no doubt existed at every corner, but likewise, it was a chance for God to prove His faithfulness at each of those moments. On a side note, Tekong, despite being a mere degree warmer than the mainland, feels like a sauna in comparison, and the sun can be brutally harsh. I know this from the sunburns that plagued my head, neck and shoulders the first week. Needless to say, it itched like crazy, and without a doubt, I am at this point in time significantly darker than I was before entering the island.

WEEK 1 (6 FEB- 12 FEB) As it was in the first week (which unfortunately was deemed by the SAF as not being a week), there is hardly a moment in a day on Tekong where the sun isn't (pardon the clich�d phrase) beating down on me. The start of the week also heralded the first time I wore a "Smart [number] 4", which is a graduated step above the silly pajamas like excuse of a uniform that is called the number 4 - one that seemingly traps heat relentlessly. That being said, I can't exactly complain, as those in the May army intake would probably endure less forgiving temperatures.

I must add that my second week in BMTC made me realise that I had it quite good, relative to those in other companies. I discovered the (general) niceness and reasonability of my sergeants and commanders, especially when I compare them to those at a company called Kestral. Things there were apparently so bad that one poor fella was driven to attempt suicide, at least that's what hearsay and Twitter informed me about. The second week was also the week where the army's atmosphere of "high testosterone, chauvinism, immaturity and perceived sense of manhood" revealed itself fully through the blatant use of cussing, misogynistic remarks and general level of gungho-ness. Such traits manifest itself in arguably all aspects of military life - including some army songs that in my opinion prove particularly demeaning and objectifying to women. But perhaps I'm being a little too unforgiving and petty - such traits exist in many other environments elsewhere.

I would like to think that I'm a fairly rational person - and I accept the (relatively rare) instances that we were 'tekan-ed' in the second week as reasonable (albeit light in the eyes of the SAF and relative to other companies) and justified for issues like punctuality and all.

It was also at the second week that the I felt extremely raw and vulnerable - I was missing home and family, PT was tiring, I was not near the physical standard required of me. the list goes on. The planes bothered me even more than ever, but at the very least, I was sleeping better. The other little respite of the second week was probably the 4km road march, or 4 click in army terms - it was a chance to see the island outside of the concrete shell that is BMTC School. Perhaps another little respite would be the chance to cool off in the camp's pool - though I mustn't fail to note that the pool water was atrociously disgusting; the "lovely broth" was probably a concoction of the sweat of thousands of NS men. It was also the week that we had inoculations - I have a tremendous fear of needles, but by the grace of God, it was almost entirely painless, much to my surprise. I suppose the other little respite that we got during training (with the PT instructors) was a group clap at the end - I really appreciate that, it makes you feel like you've done something commendable and worthwhile.

Just a minor rant here - but in general, the army's ability to present itself, both verbally and visually in its visual material is quite severely lacking. Their slideshows are ugly and amateurish, the presenters generally do not articulate and enunciate well (to be honest, this isn't entirely their fault, rather, its an issue that lies within many Singaporeans). The sole exception that I witnessed was the presenter from the Air Force, but then again, he was an SAF scholar.

Given that what I term as "admin week" was over, schedules became particularly tight, while the efficiency (pardon me, efficiency) of the SAF remained at its same bottom. To quote a (really nice) sergeant, "we rush to wait, and wait to rush" - it is exactly because of this that meal-times were sometimes unrealistically short, only to be followed by an hour long waiting period, or the near lack of time to shower. The latter complaint probably makes me sound particularly weak, but I maintain that personal hygiene is an important aspect of one's civility - something that I want to maintain.

James 1:22 - "But be doers of the word, and not hearers only, deceiving yourselves."

This is a verse that I try hard, especially in the army, to live by. It is difficult, especially when I disagree with quite a fair bit of the army's premise, but I do also believe that God has placed me in my particular place for a purpose.

WEEK 2 (13 FEB- 17 FEB) To be honest, at this point in time (not in reference to the week but the point at which I am typing this post), I'm getting particularly lazy, so this last chunk will be extremely condensed; an intensely abridged version of my diary entries.

This week marked the first time for quite a few things - 1. donning on my ILBV (essentially, a vest that is terribly suffocating and poorly made (by the contracted Chinese factory), 2. applying camouflage cream, 3. crawling in soil. I definitely have to add that this week, while generally less physically demanding as compared to the prior week, felt quite a lot tougher - perhaps because book-out was so close, yet seemed so far.

Yet through it all, by the grace of God, I pulled through. Its however no doubt just the beginning, and I will have to continue to trust in Him and seek His guidance and strength - the same goes to the strength that I draw from parental support. I truly love them, and I can't wait to see them again at the subsequent book-out (1 week away).