22.04.12 Being in my present situation has made me crave (yes, analyse the choice of word here) the presence and grace of God. I was in a fragile state in church, breaking down into tears more than any previous weeks - I chose to be in the presence of God rather than to seek a manner to down-PES, as the former felt as though it were a more pressing need. It was perhaps the first times that I felt the Lord telling me that things will get better after AIT (the 6 weeks course that I'm in). A similarly pressing need that I felt I had to meet was to spend time with my family - a Sunday with them never felt that blissful.

23.04.12

Lamentations 3:22-23 -
Through the Lord's mercies we are not consumed,
Because His compassions fail not.
They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.

The day's itinerary consisted primarily of physical training - something which I feared at the start of the day to be extremely draining. Oddly enough, I cannot quite remember what we did in the morning, up till 9.30+, after which I noted down in my diary that we had "restful activity" up till the afternoon. The juggernaut came at 3.30pm in the form of an exercise called Strength Training. Basically it involved both exercises with weights, as well as static stations - normally, while the exercises (especially the latter) would pose some degree of a challenge to me, they wouldn't be considered painful (at least when I compare it to my BMTC experience). In this case however, the static stations especially were quite a torture, especially since it was conducted under the scorching afternoon sun - that made doing pushups on the prickly and now scalding asphalt road especially 'ouch-ish'. My hands felt like they were being toasted, fried and then roasted for good measure; perhaps I'm being a little melodramatic and hyperbolic, but the point was that it wasn't easy. But I made it through - praise the Lord for his mercies.

24.04.12 Slightly more physically demanding than the activities of the day before, the 1.6km cadence run, topped off with a 30 minute AGR session proved to be quite an intense way to start the day. All I recall of how I felt after the run was that my feet hurt - but I also choose to believe that despite the pain, it was the strength of the Lord that pulled me through the exercise, and even the rather numerous sets of pushups that peppered the time between the runs (because of others' inability to follow commands). Oddly enough, this was something that I wrote in my diary, "God I pray that you open the minds of those fooling around to realise that their actions have repercussions and consequences, and I also pray that I'll be more patient and a little less neurotic - more willing to trust in You, for you have a plan for me". Later on, we were assigned to learn how to handle a secondary weapon - mine was a GPMG (General Purpose Machine Gun), and I must say that compared to a SAW, it is significanlty harder to handle in so many ways (be it stripping and assembling or the many more IA drills to remember). I suppose this is considered progressive training? The training was long. lasting from the late morning (if my memory serves me correctly) all the way till around 6pm. That's quite a few hours spent on handling a piece of metal.

25.04.12 Like the day before, the day's morning consisted of something called Speed Training - I suppose that is another permutation of a running exercise. But I wouldn't know for sure; I was sent to the MO, along with several other individuals who had asthma in their childhood to collect inhalers (I suppose the sergeants were getting rather worried about our physical wellbeing following the revelation that the infantryman who had recently collapsed and passed away had suffered from that condition). Yet after spending just over 2 hours waiting at the medical centre, we were informed (rather rudely might I add by the MO) that our condition (or lack thereof) did not warrant an inhaler, and that "our sergeant [could] come and see him if they [thought] they were doctors". I also missed the afternoon PT (IPPT skills training) because the GMPG handling test took far longer a time than what it was planned to require. I suppose that was God's way of protecting me from something that I couldn't handle, a rather odd way might I add, but I'm glad that I was spared from what would be an otherwise physically arduous day. That being said, I suppose the IPPT skills training would have been quite beneficial for me given the fact that I.

26.04.12

John 16:33 - These things I have spoken to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.

The Lord be my guide and source of strength - that was exactly how I overcame what I had to face on this particular morning. Again, it was a 1.6km run and an AGR following subsequently. Tribulations come and go, but the grace of God is eternal - unlike the first 1.6km run, I wasn't panting; it was quite smooth and enjoyable. Likewise, the AGR was made a lot more manageable by the fact that we could not only run at our own (selected) pace, but the time was reduced from 30 minutes to 20 minutes - a huge discount, one that made the task a lot less gargantuan and far more possible and human. So praise the Lord. Later on in the day, we had section drills - fire movement and others. Oddly enough, as a spare gunner for both the SAW and GPMG, I didn't need to do much during such trainings, other than to trail the guy that I was poised to replace should the unthinkable happen in a war (which in my opinion is a rather unlikely scenario). I'm completely clueless when it comes to such battle skills - much was lost from my mind following field camp in BMTC, so I suppose my position as a (rather useless) spare is quite fitting. My buddy shared the same fate - apparently that's what most if not all of the BMTC guys got. The extent of "not doing much" extended to the point where all I did was play the dead fallen enemy, that is, to simply lie down on the grass.

27.04.12 Book-out day once more. Unlike the previous days, this day was far less physically strenuous - it started out with area cleaning (gosh, this place does it far more than it is done in Tekong, and yet it feels so much dirtier). As with the previous time, the guys in the bunk aren't exactly proactive, though I must say that there is an improvement relative to the previous area cleaning. I suppose the inertia to start work proves particularly extreme for them. That aside, area cleaning was followed by gymming - the gym part wasn't too exhausting, I suppose its because you get to choose how much you want to push yourself, what was slightly taxing was the static exercises that we did after that, in particular the lower body exercises (lunges especially. 20 counts of 4 is quite a load to handle). More area cleaning came after lunch (it lasted practically the rest of the afternoon), and yet despite that, and the promise of an "early book-out" from the sergeants, that was not the case (thereby making my previous statement on them being deemed as "liars" particularly pertinent). Which is why I will be rambling and ranting below.

I hate how I find myself whittling away the hours in very mundane and draggy manners - all because of the inefficient manner in which the commanders in where I am relay information. I suppose it is made particularly irritating at that particular point in time because my book-out timing depended on it, but inefficiency is what it is. We were raking leaves up till about 3.15pm, with no news on whether we could stop to return to cleaning our bunks. Sometimes, I begin to wonder if the sergeants actually conspire to delay our book-out timings. Toying with something like that isn't a way to gain respect from those under you - I had deep respect for my commanders in Bronco, who were fair and reasonable; they understood that personal rest time was crucial to the mental wellbeing of their men. Its appalling how we only left the camp at close to 9pm, far later than what an "early" book-out would imply (5+ to 6+).

But I shall end my post here.

For all that needs to be said has been said.

All that can be done, has been done.